Monthly Archives: April 2011

In Search of “normal”

Good day to you all! I hope eveyone had a wonderful Easter! My kids had fun with their Easter Egg hunt. It was fun to see Adrianna’s(my neice) first Easter. She looked so cute in her Easter dress! We stopped at my grandma’s for a bit on Easter to see the Stratton extended family. It’s always entertaining when a group of Strattons are together!

Although it was our first holiday without Chris, we did ok. Jaxson did say to me the other night that he just “felt off.” I asked him what he meant and he said, “with dad gone, I just don’t feel right.” I told him that I feel the same, and so do other people that knew his father. I said that it will take some time for us to feel normal again. He agreed and wanted to know what our new “normal” was going to be like, and how long it would take. I gave it to him straight-“I don’t know. It may take a while, and it may be different for all of us.” So, we continue on to the next day, searching for our new “normal”, whatever that may be.

Right now it’s definitely not normal, as I came down with a sinus infection and have been feeling miserable. This too has affected Brenden. He asked me on Monday if I was going to work. I told him, “No, I have to go see the doctor.” He was very concerned with this. After some questioning, I figured out that he was connecting Chris being too sick to go to work with me not going to work. He was concerned that I was coming down with a disease and getting sicker since I wasn’t going to work. I assured him that I just had a bad cold, and would return to work quickly. I think part of the problem is in the past I haven’t always told them I was staying home when I was sick so I didn’t hear “I’m sick too! I want to stay home from school.” So we had a conversation about common colds and diseases and that sometimes people need to go see the doctor because of something simple. Missing work does not mean I have cancer. Very interesting conversations at our house this week. Brenden’s also been questioning me alot about his great-grandfathers. He knows they both had colon cancer. He also knows that they were much older than Chris when they died. He’s wondering why dad died so much younger and I think he’s a little worried about himself. He asked me the other day if kids get diseases. I told him yes, but not the one that his dad had. We had a long conversation about that, too.

Well, enough writing for now. My bed is calling for me. Have a good week!

Karen

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Stinker

Happy Weekend to you all! I cute little post tonight. Brenden and I were driving home from a store the other day. I cut my hand and started bleeding. I started looking around the car for the first aid kit. I was getting upset because I had bought 2 first aid kits and put them in both vechicles, and Chris kept taking them out because he thought the kits were always in the way and “what do we need first aid kits in our cars for?” I always told him “Duh, two kids!”
Well, as I was looking and not finding the kit, I said to Brenden, “You know your dad was such a stinker, right?” He looked at me with a totally serious face and said, “Well, yeah mom-that’s were Jaxson gets it from!” I laughed and laughed. He gave me a big grin. Poor Jaxson wasn’t even there to defind himself.

On a not so fun note, Brenden has walking pneumonia. He’s been coughing and running a low-grade fever. I took him to the doctor after his cough started getting worse and that’s his diagnois.

Have a great weekend!
Karen

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Another tough one..

Good evening to all! The boys and I are doing ok. Yesterday I went and ordered the marker for the grave. Not a fun task. So many options for such a simple marker. My parents went with me to help me out. After we picked out the marker we stopped to see Chris. It was quite hard to be there. It was a beautiful day and all I could do was stand and cry over the grave. I think it won’t be quite so bad once the grass grows over the dirt, and it doesn’t seem like it was just yesterday he was here with me. During the course of my week I can at least forget for periods of time that he’s gone, but standing at his grave is a hard, cold reality for me. There’s just no denying he’s gone when I’m there. I showed the kids a mock up of the marker and they thought it was fine. Brenden seems to have concerns about going to the grave site. It’s very difficult for all of us. I told him we would wait until next month. I think they need a little more time before I take them there. I always think if something is hard for me, it will be worse for them. I know I’m wrong in some cases, but I’d rather error on the side of caution. That’s part of my “Momma Bear” make-up. Jaxson’s been really out-of-sorts for the past few weeks, very touchy. Brenden’s been a little that way too, just not as much.

I hope everyone is doing well. Thank you all for your continued support and prayers. It means a lot to us!

Happy Dreams!
Karen

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It’s just not the same

A busy week at the Baty household. Everyone is currently healthy(knock on wood!), although Jaxson’s been very touchy the past few days. I never know if it’s just a not-so-good day for him, or if it’s some grief trying to make it’s way out. He mentioned the other night about how he missed Chris playing “good guys, bad guys” with him. And of course that’s just not something that mom can do-“it’s just not the same.” I asked him what other memories he had been thinking about and all he came up with is dad going to the waterpark with him. However, he did remember that dad had to take some naps during the day while we swam and went down slides,” ‘cuz dad got tired.” I worry how much he’ll remember. He’s only six and I know how childhood memories can fade so fast. I don’t think Jaxson has any memories of what it was like before Chris got sick. Brenden’s memory goes back a little further and he’s older, so I think he’ll have a little easier time. I know right now I’m having a problem getting past the last few weeks of his life, and remembering him dying is stuck in the forfront of my memory. Seeing my kids say good-bye to him is something I really have to deal with. As much as I loved Chris, it breaks my heart every day that my children no longer have their father. I hope these memories fade more, (not that I need to forget them), and the healthy, happy days become more prominent again. I grieve for the things that Chris will miss as a father, that my children haven’t yet thought of yet and can not comprehend at this time. We went on a bike ride the other night. Jaxson just learned to ride his bike right before the first snow last year-Chris got to see him do this. I was so proud to see how well his was doing, but just wished Chris could see Jaxson’s progress from last fall. Things like that are so hard right now.

I hope everyone is enjoying the warmer weather. Thank you all agian for your prayers. It’s bath night, so I gotta go!

Love and prayers,
Karen

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Never a Dull Moment

So it was back to work for me this week. I started back on Tuesday morning. Once again it’s so strange to me that my lfe changed so much, yet I go back to work and things are pretty much the same. I did end up having a short week, Brenden came down with strep throat on Wednesday and I came down with the flu last night. Never a dull moment at the Baty house. My mom saved the day again and stayed here with Brenden yesterday so I could work, and today she drove him to the doctor so I could get some more rest. Isn’t she great? I’m not sure what I would do with out her. After Brenden started running a high fever, my first thought was, “Oh, I better remind Chris to stay away from Brenden so he doesn’t get sick.” I’m sure it will take a long time before I don’t have to remind myself that Chris is gone. Just a note to everyone, Brenden’s throat was not sore or even red-he was just running a really high fever. This Strep seems to be going around.

Short post today as I need to get back to bed.
Happy April Fool’s Day!
Karen

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