A busy week at the Baty household. Everyone is currently healthy(knock on wood!), although Jaxson’s been very touchy the past few days. I never know if it’s just a not-so-good day for him, or if it’s some grief trying to make it’s way out. He mentioned the other night about how he missed Chris playing “good guys, bad guys” with him. And of course that’s just not something that mom can do-“it’s just not the same.” I asked him what other memories he had been thinking about and all he came up with is dad going to the waterpark with him. However, he did remember that dad had to take some naps during the day while we swam and went down slides,” ‘cuz dad got tired.” I worry how much he’ll remember. He’s only six and I know how childhood memories can fade so fast. I don’t think Jaxson has any memories of what it was like before Chris got sick. Brenden’s memory goes back a little further and he’s older, so I think he’ll have a little easier time. I know right now I’m having a problem getting past the last few weeks of his life, and remembering him dying is stuck in the forfront of my memory. Seeing my kids say good-bye to him is something I really have to deal with. As much as I loved Chris, it breaks my heart every day that my children no longer have their father. I hope these memories fade more, (not that I need to forget them), and the healthy, happy days become more prominent again. I grieve for the things that Chris will miss as a father, that my children haven’t yet thought of yet and can not comprehend at this time. We went on a bike ride the other night. Jaxson just learned to ride his bike right before the first snow last year-Chris got to see him do this. I was so proud to see how well his was doing, but just wished Chris could see Jaxson’s progress from last fall. Things like that are so hard right now.
I hope everyone is enjoying the warmer weather. Thank you all agian for your prayers. It’s bath night, so I gotta go!
Love and prayers,