Monthly Archives: September 2011

Connections

Hello to all! I know, two posts within one week-insane! But alot going on in our world right now. Today marks six months since Chris passed away… half a year. As I’ve said before, at times it seems like yesterday, yet a lifetime ago. I beleive it’s because my life has been so dramatically altered since he died-nothing’s the same. I live differently, I look at things differently and I’m not the same person I was a year ago. I try so hard to be both mom and dad to my children, and succeed at times…fail miserably at others. My children have recently been asking more about their father again-what he looked like at their age, how many states in America he had been to, what sports he played growing up, & things he enjoyed as a child. They are looking for them similarites and diferences between Chris, their brother and their mother. They seem so happy when something they enjoy is something that Chris liked–they’re looking for connections. I hope this continues as they have not talked about him alot until recently.
Last Sunday was a tough day for us. September 11th was dificult to explain to my children as they don’t understand why anyone would want to fly a plane into a builing and die doing it. They don’t understand terrorism, nor do I want to scare them, but they need some background on that horrible day. We watched some of the ceremonies, and I tried my best to explain to them what happened without confusing them. I think they finally started to grasp the scope of it when some children were saying the names and then started saying how they missed their father and would never forget him. Brenden and Jaxson looked at me and asked, “Their dad died?” I told them, “Yes, about 3000 kids lost their parents that day.” They made that connection–they can understand what it’s like to lose your father. Then I decided we had enough for the morning and went to the zoo for a while.
We’ve got a few more tough days coming as my wedding anniversary is Sept. 18th. We would have been married for 12 years.
On a happy note, they kids have had a good start to the school year. They seem to enjoy their classes so far. I hope everyone has a great weekend-last official weekend of summer!
Love and Prayers,
Karen

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Remember

Good evening to all. I’m going to send out an apology to everyone as time seems to get away from me and my posts are less frequent. I’ll try to get going on them now that we are getting back into a routine. Yes, the kids are back in school. They were so ready to go. The two weeks before school all I heard was “there’s nothing to do!” One day I took them to a park and played basketball and on the playground for over two hours. We no more than walked in the door when we returned home and Brenden asked “what can we do now?” It was definitely time to go back!
The question I’ve been getting, of course is, “how are you and the boys doing?” We’re doing fine. I think we will have some tough months coming up. Chris was never really a summer person. He always complained that it was too hot! He loved the fall and the winter. He loved the cool nights and deer hunting with his dad, brother, and friends. For him, it wasn’t about the getting the deer, it was about the bonding time he had with family and friends. He enjoyed getting outside and “being one with nature.” I like to be at one with nature too, just not when it’s 20 degrees out and it’s 6 a.m.
So, anyhow, we are coming into what I think will be a more difficult time for us. Our anniversary in on the 18th of September and Chris’s birthday is on Oct. 4th. They have already mentioned more than once that his birthday is coming soon, so I know that it’s on their minds. They remember Chris telling them for his birthday, he wants us to go to the cemetary and then to Outback Steakhouse. So we will be doing that, around his birthday per his wishes.
We go in spurts with our grief. We’ll be fine for a while, and then something comes up that throws us back. At times it seems so long ago that he died, but it also seems like yesterday. As much as I mourn the loss of my best friend, my husband, my partner-as much pain as I feel for all of that, I mourn the loss of my children’s father the most of all. For I know what they will be missing in their lives, even though at this point they don’t understand the full impact of their father’s death. I wish for them that they had more time with him. I wish that he would be the one to take them to their first football game instead of me. I wish he could of spent time fishing with them. I wish so many things that they didn’t get with him.
Tonight, on the eve of one of our great tragedies, I’m sure I have Chris on my mind as he is in heaven with so many of those that lost their lives on September 11th. Of course, like everyone else, I remember exactly what I was doing that day. I had the day off from work, and had turned the tv on and saw the story of the first plane crashing into the Twin Towers. Only to watch shortly later the second one crash. I remember taking my dogs for a walk and the sky being pure blue, it was beautiful weather. I also remember thinking how on such a horrific day, the weather could be so beautiful. It seemed like it should be storming, or at least cloudy. I remember being glued to the tv for much of the rest of the day and watching people search for their loved ones. I cry for the children that lost thier parents on that day. I can’t even describe how proud I am of the people who gave their lives-storming a cockpit, or running into a burning building-all the heros of that day. I grieve for the families and pray that no one ever has to go through that again. Please send out prayers for all those who lost their lives that day and all those who were left behind.
That’s all for tonight. Have a great day tomorrow…and remember.
God bless,
Karen

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