Womans Best Friend

Greetings. I know I said I was going to blog about lessons learned, but that one will have to wait. Today we learned that our dog is very ill. He was walking kind of strange and I thought he may have hurt himself on some ice or walking on the stairs. I took him in and they did some blood work and found his liver numbers to be off the chart. The vet is running some tests, but things don’t look good. Despite how healthy he looks, she thinks he will probably rapidly decline, although we’re not sure exactly what he has. So, once again, I had to sit down with my children and tell them that someone is dying. Brenden’s doing ok, he and the dog aren’t super close. Jaxson is very upset. He said, “but them we’ll be down to only 3 of us in our house.” I’m, of course, very upset too. Komis has got me through a very difficult year. He’s been my walking/running companion for almost 12 years. Even as I sit and cry because I found out he’s so sick, he sits next to me and tries to comfort me. There’s a sense of security I have when he’s near(for those of you who don’t know, he’s a 60 pound husky.) He is protective of me and the children, but not to the point he growls or bits others. Although, I’m pretty sure he would bite if he felt we were being threatened.
So, I’m asking for some prayers today to heal a dog who holds a special place in our hearts. Or at least a prayer for a little boys whose heart probably be greiving again shortly. Jaxson is currnetly even asking me if it’s ok to touch the dog-he’s so afraid to hurt him. I know it’s just a dog to some, but he’s a part of our family and means alot to us.

Love and Prayers,
Karen

Happy New Year

Ok, yes, I know it’s Jan.24th and it’s been some time since I’ve done a post. I still want to wish eveyone Happy New Year! I’m not a huge resolution person. I’ve noticed that a lot of people forget about their resolutions by the end of January. But still as I begin a new year, I reevaluate my life and think if there’s any changes that I need to make. I also look back and think about different things I learned over the past year. Of course, this past year I have learned more than I wanted in areas I wish I didn’t have to. Life’s lessons, as we all know, are sometimes painful. My next blog I plan on blogging about my 2011 lessons.
My focus, as always, is to spend time with my children and I have been doing just that. Last weekend we went to Wisconsin Dells and stayed at the Great Wolf Lodge. We made a trip there with Chris in June of 2010 right after we found out the cancer had moved to his lungs. My children have some memories of being there with him, and that was nice for them. What I noticed they didn’t remember is the amount of time that Chris had spent in the hotel room on our last trip. That’s a good thing-I want them to remember the fun parts of time spent with their father. They remembered being in the wave pool with him and doing Magicquest(a game) with him. But they seemed to have blocked out that dad had to go back to the room several times a day and nap or rest while we continued to swim or play. Anyway, we made the trip a Baty trip with his dad and siblings and nieces and nephews. We had a great time and my kids were totally worn out at the end of the trip. I’m sure Chris was looking down and smiling at the lot of us swimming in the lap pool, screaming down the howlin’ tornado, and lounging by the pool. I hope we get to do more trips like that.
I’ll post again soon. Out of time now.
Have a great day!

Karen

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas to everyone, near and far! I know I’m a couple of days late, but we’ve kept busy. We had a good Christmas. Of course, we have our sad times missing Chris. I decided this year to do no less than 5 Christmas celebrations-my parents, Chris’s mom and stepdad, Chris’s dad and stepmom, and my 2 extended family Christmas celebrations. Yes, I know-a lot of running. But I really didn’t want the boys and I sitting around the house just missing Chris. I especially did not want to be at our house Christmas morning when it was usually just the four of us-the void is just too big this year. So we stayed at my parents house Christrmas eve. I also, of course, find strength and support in my family and friends, so I surrounded myself with them at this tough time of year. The boys enjoy having everyone around-they are constantly entertained. One of the pastors at our church sent me this poem, and I thought I would share it with you-it helps a little when thinking about Chris and missing him.

I’m Spending Christmas With Jesus This Year
(author unknown)

I see the countless Christmas trees
Around the world below
With tiny lights, like heaven’s stars,
Reflecting in the snow.

The sight is so spectacular,
Please wipe away the tear,
For I’m spending Christmas
With Jesus this year.

I hear many Christmas songs,
That people hold so dear,
But the sounds of music can’t compare
With the Christmas choir up here.

For I have no words to tell you
The joy their voices bring.
For it is beyond description
To hear an angel sing.

I can’t tell you of the splendor,
Or the peace here in this place.
Can you just imagine Christmas,
With our Savior, face to face?

I’ll ask Him to light your spirit
As I tell Him of your love.
So, then, pray one for another
As you lift your eyes above.

Please let your hearts be joyful
And let your spirit sing,
For I’m spending Christmas in heaven
And I’m walking with the King!

Thank you Pastor Pat for sending the poem. Yes, it made me cry, but it touches my heart and reminds me what a wonderful place Chris is in. I hope it lightens your hearts as well. The children and I pray everynight and at the end of the prayer always ask God to give Chris a hug and a kiss for us.

Have a wonderful holiday week!

Seasons Blessings!

Karen, Brenden & Jaxson

Birthday Memories

Yes folks, today my first born turned 9 years old.  Where did the time go?  I swear yesterday I was changing his diaper and giving him his bottle.  But my little boys who loved Thomas the Train and lived to watch Nemo now is all about DS games, projection clocks, Captain Underwear books, Laser Stunt Chasers and of course, cash and gift cards.  He plays games and constantly calls everyone “Dude!”  So, he is growing up.  He had fun with his friends and family today.  I love seeing the smile on his face as everyone wishes him Happy Birthday and tells him how tall he’s getting.  But of course, I miss that his father isn’t with him to celebrate.  I knew for his birthday he wanted a Vikings jersey.  I asked his Grandpa Baty to get him one.  After everyone left, Brenden tried it on.  The first thing he said was “Dad  would have thought this jersey is sooo cool!  I wish he could be here to see it!”  I told him that I’m sure his dad was looking down from heaven and smiling and probably wearing the same jersey- because in dad’s heaven, the Vikings probably were a good team!  Brenden agreed and ran out to show his Grandpa and Grandma Stratton the jersey-(of course to be told it was the wrong color.)   I know it was a good birthday for him and he had fun, but I know he’s missing his father, as we all are. 

It’s been a tough couple of weeks, as the first Christmas without Chris will be.  We were setting up the Christmas tree and Jaxson found some of Chris’s ornaments.  He burst into tears, which of course sent me into tears.  We had a good cry, then finished putting up the tree.  It’s been a real roller coaster for all of us.  We are looking forward to spending time with family and friends. 

I must get back to my wrapping.  Enjoy the holiday season.  I will post again soon!

Merry Christmas!

Karen

Happy Thanksgiving

Happy belated Thanskgiving to you all. I hope you had a great weekend and spent some quality time with friends and family. The boys and I went to the lake and had Thanksgiving with my parents and my sisters and their familes. We had a good Thanksgiving, but of course we felt Chris’s absence. As everyone knows, the holidays are tough. Tonight Brenden asked me if I could tell him 9 things about his dad-since he’s going to be 9 soon. However, it was bedtime, so I told him that would have to wait for tomorrow. Chris is definitely on their minds lately.
The last two weeks have been tough for Jaxson. He ran into a classmate and got two bloodly lips. Spent some quality time with the nurse at school-who knows him pretty well at this point. At least it’s not the principle! Then later in the week his fish, Diablo died. It was very tough on him. He related it with his father, and was really upset. He then wiped out at school-tore out the knees in his pants. A few other things, but let’s just say it’s a good thing he could get away for the weekend.
The kids are keeping busy. Jaxson’s still doing karate and Brenden started playing basketball. It seems we have something going every night of the week. Brenden is trying to plan his birthday party. Yes, my first born will be 9 years old next month. How did I ever get old enough to have a 9 year old child? Oh, yes- that’s right, I had him when I was 20!
Have a great week! I will try to get back to posting more, if not for you, for me. It’s theraputic for me to sort though my thoughts.

Sweet Dreams!
Karen

Changes

Hello to everyone! Happy MEA for those of you in Minnesota. My kids were bored by noon today, so it was time for them to start fighting. Fun for all! We have had a tough month. Fall was always Chris’s favorite time and we have a lot of memories we’re dealing with. We’ve had an emotional month with Chris’s birthday-it hit us all hard. I’ve had many emails and phone calls letting me know that people are thinking of him or missing him. It’s comforting to hear that I’m not the only one. After 7 months, we are still adjusting to life without him. It’s alot of changes to go through. I also quit my job after 19 years at Proex. It was time to do something that I could spend more time with my boys and not be working as many weekends.
So, we are going through many changes and still trying to cope with our loss. I’ve had people who have lost loved ones recently asking me when does the pain get better? I always begin my reply with, “It’s different for everyone.” It’s not a question I can really answer, just that with me, it goes in waves. I’ll be fine for a while, and then WHAM! Something will trigger the grief. It seems that way for my kids, too. But they are young and don’t have as many memories and younger kids live more in the moment-not as much in the past or future. I find myself wondering what Chris would think about different decisions I make. But he’s not here, so I hope he would approve of how I’m handling everything. I’m just trying to do my best.
I hope everyone has a great weekend. I heard it’s suppose to be nice, at least here in Minnesota. Best enjoy it before it gets too cold!For those of you not counting yet, it’s 65 days until Christmas!(Brenden’s birthday is the week before, so my household has been counting down for a while now!)

Love and prayers,
Karen

Happy Birthday

For those of you who may not know, today is Chris’s birthday. He would have been 43. Chris made a request to his two sons that for his birthday, we visit him at the cemetery and then go to Outback Steakhouse for dinner. Brenden, Jaxson and I did that last night. I took the boys to the North Shore this past weekend to have some down time. Chris loved to go up there at all different times of the year. My sisters and their families joined us. We had beautiful weather and did some fun activities. We did a lot of hiking, some shopping, went down the alpine slide, the boys and their uncles did a lot of football playing, and of course the boys went swimming. We also hit the beach and searched for some agates. It was a great weekend and the colors were stunning. When we got back yesterday, we decided to go to the cemetery. As always, it’s so emotionally draining for me. I think it was the hardest trip for the boys as now they’re starting to understand what’s missing in their life and how Dad is really gone and not coming back. I brought flowers and instead of just placing them by the headstone, Jaxson broke the bouquet apart and put the flowers around the outline in the grass where the casket was put into the ground. I asked what he was doing and he said “surrounding Daddy in the flowers.” It was very touching, yet heartbreaking. Another shot to my heart was seeing Brenden cry. He hasn’t at the cemetery since the funneral, but did yesterday. It’s so hard to watch them mourn their father and wishing I could just take away their pain. We went to Outback afterwards, and Jaxson at too much bread and rootbeer.
Tonight, we went for a walk and were treated to a beautiful sunset. We decided that God gave Chris that sunset to share with us on his birthday. Brenden made the comment, “Dad was a really nice guy, otherwise God wouldn’t have given Dad that beautiful sunset for his birthday.” What great kids I have!
I hope you are all having a wonderful fall. I’m trying to get the kids outside as much as possible with the warmer weather. School is in full swing, although Jaxson has missed more than his share with different sicknesses. Send Chris up a “Happy Birthday!” tonight. I’m sure we’re all thinking about him on this day!

LOL,
Karen, Brenden and Jaxson

Connections

Hello to all! I know, two posts within one week-insane! But alot going on in our world right now. Today marks six months since Chris passed away… half a year. As I’ve said before, at times it seems like yesterday, yet a lifetime ago. I beleive it’s because my life has been so dramatically altered since he died-nothing’s the same. I live differently, I look at things differently and I’m not the same person I was a year ago. I try so hard to be both mom and dad to my children, and succeed at times…fail miserably at others. My children have recently been asking more about their father again-what he looked like at their age, how many states in America he had been to, what sports he played growing up, & things he enjoyed as a child. They are looking for them similarites and diferences between Chris, their brother and their mother. They seem so happy when something they enjoy is something that Chris liked–they’re looking for connections. I hope this continues as they have not talked about him alot until recently.
Last Sunday was a tough day for us. September 11th was dificult to explain to my children as they don’t understand why anyone would want to fly a plane into a builing and die doing it. They don’t understand terrorism, nor do I want to scare them, but they need some background on that horrible day. We watched some of the ceremonies, and I tried my best to explain to them what happened without confusing them. I think they finally started to grasp the scope of it when some children were saying the names and then started saying how they missed their father and would never forget him. Brenden and Jaxson looked at me and asked, “Their dad died?” I told them, “Yes, about 3000 kids lost their parents that day.” They made that connection–they can understand what it’s like to lose your father. Then I decided we had enough for the morning and went to the zoo for a while.
We’ve got a few more tough days coming as my wedding anniversary is Sept. 18th. We would have been married for 12 years.
On a happy note, they kids have had a good start to the school year. They seem to enjoy their classes so far. I hope everyone has a great weekend-last official weekend of summer!
Love and Prayers,
Karen

Remember

Good evening to all. I’m going to send out an apology to everyone as time seems to get away from me and my posts are less frequent. I’ll try to get going on them now that we are getting back into a routine. Yes, the kids are back in school. They were so ready to go. The two weeks before school all I heard was “there’s nothing to do!” One day I took them to a park and played basketball and on the playground for over two hours. We no more than walked in the door when we returned home and Brenden asked “what can we do now?” It was definitely time to go back!
The question I’ve been getting, of course is, “how are you and the boys doing?” We’re doing fine. I think we will have some tough months coming up. Chris was never really a summer person. He always complained that it was too hot! He loved the fall and the winter. He loved the cool nights and deer hunting with his dad, brother, and friends. For him, it wasn’t about the getting the deer, it was about the bonding time he had with family and friends. He enjoyed getting outside and “being one with nature.” I like to be at one with nature too, just not when it’s 20 degrees out and it’s 6 a.m.
So, anyhow, we are coming into what I think will be a more difficult time for us. Our anniversary in on the 18th of September and Chris’s birthday is on Oct. 4th. They have already mentioned more than once that his birthday is coming soon, so I know that it’s on their minds. They remember Chris telling them for his birthday, he wants us to go to the cemetary and then to Outback Steakhouse. So we will be doing that, around his birthday per his wishes.
We go in spurts with our grief. We’ll be fine for a while, and then something comes up that throws us back. At times it seems so long ago that he died, but it also seems like yesterday. As much as I mourn the loss of my best friend, my husband, my partner-as much pain as I feel for all of that, I mourn the loss of my children’s father the most of all. For I know what they will be missing in their lives, even though at this point they don’t understand the full impact of their father’s death. I wish for them that they had more time with him. I wish that he would be the one to take them to their first football game instead of me. I wish he could of spent time fishing with them. I wish so many things that they didn’t get with him.
Tonight, on the eve of one of our great tragedies, I’m sure I have Chris on my mind as he is in heaven with so many of those that lost their lives on September 11th. Of course, like everyone else, I remember exactly what I was doing that day. I had the day off from work, and had turned the tv on and saw the story of the first plane crashing into the Twin Towers. Only to watch shortly later the second one crash. I remember taking my dogs for a walk and the sky being pure blue, it was beautiful weather. I also remember thinking how on such a horrific day, the weather could be so beautiful. It seemed like it should be storming, or at least cloudy. I remember being glued to the tv for much of the rest of the day and watching people search for their loved ones. I cry for the children that lost thier parents on that day. I can’t even describe how proud I am of the people who gave their lives-storming a cockpit, or running into a burning building-all the heros of that day. I grieve for the families and pray that no one ever has to go through that again. Please send out prayers for all those who lost their lives that day and all those who were left behind.
That’s all for tonight. Have a great day tomorrow…and remember.
God bless,
Karen

Mountain Time

Good evening to you all! Sorry, the posts have been fewer and further between. My family and I just returned from a trip to Colorado. A very wonderful friend of mine and his family lent us their condo for a week in Vail. My parents and I drove out with my children and my sisters and thier families flew out. I don’t think even I understood how much I needed a break, to get away from everything for a while. Not that I did much sitting around for sure. Colorado is one of my favorite places to be. I love hiking in the mountains and enjoying the beautiful landscapes. My kids had never been to the mountains, so it was a new experience for them. I beleive Brenden’s reaction to seeing the mountains was, “Holy Smokes!”
They were entertained with swimming, bike rides, hikes, mini golf, bumper boats, trampolines, and go-carts. They both really enjoyed the gondola. It was nice for me to see them with such big smiles on their faces and watch them stare at the mountains in awesome wonder.
I told them the story about how their dad and I had almost moved to Colrado before they were born. I also reminded them that I proposed to their father on a chairlift in Colorado. They thought my proposal was pretty funny. All in all we had a great time.
But of course now we are back and the house needs cleaning, we need to get groceries, I need to go back to work-reality is back. I miss the mountains, the cooler-less humid air, whitewater rafting, and hiking up the mountain every day. Brenden did some serious hiking with us, and of course, never seemed to tire at all.
Thank you to all who helped out with our vacation-dog sitters, lawn mowers, and condo lenders. I couldn’t have done it without you.

I wish everyone a great week! I hope your all enjoying the summer for it’s going to be over before you know it.

Love and prayers,
Karen